| Knowing
when someone is trying to manipulate you into an unfavorable situation
and
having the ability to say "no" |
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| If you are a person of
sincerity and integrity, you probably can relate to this article.
How often have you had the experience of someone else's manipulation and
utter disregard for your feelings? People seem to think that if
you are decent and good - you must be - well, sort of slow and naive.
You are a pushover by their standards. In other words, if you usually
give the person/s the benefit of the doubt and are not being overly
suspicious of their nature and character, you become the target of their
need to control and dictate the terms of the relationship. You give them the opportunity to exploit you and set yourself up for
disappointment and pain. Often, you are locked into this pattern
with those you love and who you think love you. Big mistake.
A solid relationship should have a foundation of honesty, trust and respect for both parties. However, one of the individuals - "You" - may be more needy of love or have more love to give and so assumes the role of "giver" and "caretaker" with the unfortunate tendency of overlooking the warning signs of betrayal and deceit. This pattern can perpetuate indefinitely until one day . . . the abuser is finally seen for who and what they are - and the person who has been taken for granted and depleted of his/her feelings wakes up. Usually it is too late and much pain and heartache has accumulated. The relationship is never the same. Many times it is dissolved. So what's the point of these pearls of wisdom? For starters, one should be realistic and not only function from the heart. It is so important to be aware and informed of motivation - yours and another's - even if the truth is painful. If someone has a history of offending you and then offering the "I'm sorry" excuse when exposed and you find this acceptable, you should take notice. Or, if this person refuses to discuss the problematic issue and will only reconcile if you are willing to adhere to their conditional terms - take heed! You are only encouraging a repeat scenario down the road. In all fairness, no one is perfect all the time. And many times a "manipulator" may truly be incognizant of his/her deviant behavior. It may be a compulsive and uncontrollable pattern that is triggered when the person is under stress or feels challenged. Usually, it is reflective of serious repressed emotions (anger, fear, hate) stemming from childhood. However, if he/she is unwilling to resolve this behavior, you may have to detach from this person for your own survival and well being. Remember - it takes two to facilitate an inappropriate relationship - you and the offender. If you are a parent and are faced with this dilemma with your child - take the initiative and seek professional counseling. If you are married or intend to be - seek marriage counseling. If you are constantly badgered by authority figures - find out why. At best, the experience will shed light on your own personality and explain why you have assumed the role of being the "scapegoat" in life. If you wish a private consultation:
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