Searching for Your 
Soul Mate may be a  lifetime quest



Deep within the recesses of our heart and soul is the yearning to unite with our Soul Mate.  Each Soul desires to return to the Source of Creation while experiencing life on the material plane.  Innately, we know that  someday we are destined to  journey Home to unite with the Twin aspect of our self who loves us unconditionally and makes us feel complete - as One. 

Esoterically attuned individuals  believe that we are really spiritual beings engaged in a physical 
experience in each lifetime - the reverse of what we have been taught for eons.  It is our spiritual half that our hearts yearn for - our God/Self.

Are we destined to yearn for our Spiritual God/Self that we were separated from at birth this entire incarnation?  Perhaps so.  

We evolve by endeavoring to restore balance within our psyche.   At some time along our evolutionary journey we will reach Zero Point - the merge of our matter and antimatter selves.

Many people miss their Twin Flame or Soul Mate and feel incomplete throughout their lives. They often feel alone, abandoned, lost and depressed.  They cannot find themselves. A piece of his/herself is always missing. They search to fill the void throughout life but never completely succeed. 

However, If one is lucky, he/she may find someone who comes close to making him/her feel whole - someone who carries the energy frequency of their  Twin Flame and gives the feeling of union - 

When you make love with this person -  you will experience yourself in total.

From a psychological perspective,  it is believed that one must integrate his/her male/female energy or animus/anima within the psyche to become whole.  Every man contains a woman within him and every woman a man.  This basic truth  is both biological and psychological.  

Relationships which contain any element of "falling in love" inevitably contain anima and animus projections.   This sense of familiarity has often been explained by reincarnation suggesting that they are a continuation of some encounter begun in another life.  

We are attracted to people who express outwardly those characteristics and feelings that lay dormant in our own psyche.

Relationships are really learning experiences that are instrumental in bringing to the surface many  unconsciousness traits we possess that have yet to be dealt with.

Since women in general seem to be more in touch and aware of their emotions, they usually can express  them with a greater degree of freedom (although not always),  Most societies are more tolerant of women demonstrating emotionalism while men are taught that they must repress their feelings as any display (especially in public)  will be considered  a sign of weakness. This is slowly changing, however as we are becoming more educated of our inner workings psychologically and understand that every man has an anima or soul (female energy) within his psyche and therefore has feelings and moods similar to a woman.  Most men simply project these emotions onto the females in their lives.  

The anima is a real problem for a man's consciousness as it has a double face.  Her light side is creative, inspiring, magical - her darker side may be seen as devouring and destructive.  The anima embodies all man's collective experience of woman and is a symbol of the archetypal feminine principle.  If most men relate to the dark side of the anima it may account for our present day Patriarchal system which is motivated by fear.

Does this explain why  men are reluctant to let go of their need to control and dominate?  I think so.  Too many ills within our Patriarchal society  reflect this problem.  Power and control are a signature of a man's status and accomplishments 
in life.  How much wealth can he accumulate?  How much power can he generate in his politics, business and marriage?  How many women will he seduce and then walk away from?  How many children will he abandon psychically,  emotionally and financially?  How large is his macho ego or better still - how insecure is he? How driven is he by his inferior feelings, resentment and fear? 

Patriarchal  practices are 
exercised within the ranks of every social, religious,  business and political 
organization as well as within the dynamic structure of intimate 
relationships, family and marriage. 

The animus is the archetypal image of man  existent within every woman.   His bright side is like the sun and brings illumination and clarity, purpose and strength, while his dark side is the destroyer, who severs relationships and brings the death of feeling and the coldness of eternal isolation.  

Through the animus, woman is plagued by the same problem that man is by the anima - the problem of unconscious assumptions and expectations, and of ensuing resentment when unspoken demands are not answered.  If she lacks conscious cooperation with the unconscious man in her own psyche, a woman will expect her partner to live out her own potential, making it intolerable for him ever to fail.   The negative projection of male is why so many women unconsciously do not trust men.   

Individuals blind to the sexual opposite within never realize that the partner they choose is chosen because he or she bears some resemblance to the anima or animus.  I think that this accounts for the over-
emphasis of both sexes to develop their  inner opposite.

While more and  more men are openly declaring that they are homosexual - either because of their retaliation to a female power they fear is 
emerging or a real pull to
balance their psyche is apparent.

Women,  resentful of male 
domination and the predominant male projection of weakness and inferiority are no longer  tolerant 
towards being 
subservient.    More and more women have come to the  realization that education and ambition are the  tools  necessary for a fair shake in the world.   They are tired and resentful of the unfair prejudices and treatment they are forced to endure  to avoid the repercussions of our Patriarchal society that can enforce economic pressures. 
This is sad as before balance is achieved, many must sacrifice their intrinsic nature of love and nurturing.

Perhaps before we are able to unite with our Twin Flame, we must first acknowledge the male/female within each one of us.  It is paramount that  relationship with our  "significant other" must be balanced and 
incorporate respect, dignity, and equality.  This is probably our greatest challenge here on the earth plane. 



We all need someone we can love and who reciprocates this love;  someone to help us through this journey in life. 
Unfortunately, until there is  awareness and 
acceptance of the sexes,  many people will continue to live  life enduring profound  emotional pain and loneliness.  Unable to unite their own anima -animus energies
within they will not  find true love in this lifetime - even if it means true love of Self.  They will continue to project their own inner energies and set themselves up for emotional hurt and disappointment.

I thought it interesting that I received the following e-mail as I was writing this page. Quoted in the e-mail were statements made by Jane Fonda at a Speech at the National Women's Leadership Summit - Washington, D.C. - June 12, 2003 - 

Ms. Fonda:

Before I turned sixty I thought I was a feminist. I was in a way - I worked to register women to vote, I supported women getting elected. I brought gender issues into my movie roles, I encouraged women to get strong and healthy, I read the books we've all read. I had it in my head and partly in my heart, yet I didn't fully get it.

See, although I've always been financially independent, and professionally and socially successful, behind the closed doors of my personal life I was still turning myself in a pretzel so I'd be loved by an alpha male. I thought if I didn't become whatever he wanted me to be, I'd be alone, and then, I wouldn't exist.

There is not the time nor is this the place to explain why this was true, or why it is such a common theme for so many otherwise strong, independent women. Nor is it the time to tell you how I got over it (I'm writing my memoirs, and all will be revealed). What's important is that I did get over it. Early on in my third act I found my voice and, in the process, I have ended up alone - but not really. You see, I'm with myself and this has enabled me to see feminism more clearly. It's hard to see clearly when you're a pretzel.

So I want to tell you briefly some of what I have learned in this first part of my third act and how it relates to what, I think, needs to happen in terms of a revolution.

Because we can't just talk about women being at the table - it's too late for that - we have to think in terms of the shape of the table. Is it hierarchical or circular (metaphorically speaking)? We have to think about the quality of the men who are with us at the table, the culture that is hovering over the table that governs how things are decided and in whose interests. This is not just about glass ceilings or politics as usual. This is about revolution, and I have finally gotten to where I can say that word and know what I mean by it and feel good about it because I see, now, how the future of the earth and everything on it including men and boys depends on this happening.

Let me say something about men: obviously, I've had to do a lot of thinking about men, especially the ones who've been important in my life, and what I've come to realize is how damaging Patriarchy has been for them. And all them are smart, good men who want to be considered the "good guys." But the Male Belief System, that compartmentalized, hierarchical, ejaculatory,
power structure that is Patriarchy, is fatal to the hearts of men, to empathy and relationship.

Yes, men and boys receive privilege and status from Patriarchy, but it is a poisoned privilege for which they pay a heavy price. If traditional, Patriarchal socialization takes aim at girls' voices, it takes aim at boys' hearts - makes them lose the deepest, most sensitive and empathic parts of themselves. Men aren't even allowed to be depressed, which is why they engage so often in various forms of self-numbing, from sex to alcohol and drugs to gambling and workaholism. Patriarchy strikes a Faustian bargain with men.

Patriarchy sustains itself by breaking relationship. I'm referring here to real relationship, the showing-up kind, not the "I'll stay with him cause he pays the bills, or because of the kids, or because if I don't I will cease to exist," but relationship where you, the woman, can acknowledge your partner's needs while simultaneously acknowledging and tending to your own.

I work with young girls and I can tell you there's a whole generation who have not learned what a relationship is supposed to feel like - that it's not about leaving themselves behind.

Now, every group that's been oppressed has its share of Uncle Toms, and we have our Aunt Toms. I call them ventriloquists for the patriarchy. I won't name names but we all know them. They are women in whom the toxic aspects of masculinity hold sway. It should neither surprise nor discourage us. We need to understand it and be able to explain it to others, but it means, I think, that we should be just about getting a woman into this position or that. We need to look at "is that woman intact emotionally," has she had to forfeit her empathy gene somewhere along the way for whatever reason?

And then, of course, there are what Eve Ensler calls Vagina-Friendly men, who choose to remain emotionally literate. It's not easy for them - look at the names they get called: wimp, pansy, pussy, soft, limp, momma's boy. Men don't like to be considered "soft" on anything, which is why more don't choose to join us in the circle. Actually, most don't have the choice to make. You know why? Because was they are real little (I learned this from Carol Gilligan), like five years or younger, boys internalize the message of what it takes to be a "real man." Sometimes it comes through their fathers who beat it into them. Sometimes it comes because no one around them knows how to connect with their emotions (This is a generational thing). Sometimes it comes because our culture rips boys from their mothers before they are developmentally ready. Sometimes it comes because boys are teased at school for crying. Sometimes it's the subliminal messages from teachers and the media. It can be a specific trauma that shuts them down. But, I can assure you, it is true to some extent of many if not most men, and when the extreme version of it manifests itself in our nation's leaders, beware!

Another thing that I've learned is that there is a fundamental contradiction not just between patriarchy and relationship, but between patriarchy and Democracy. Patriarchy masquerades as Democracy, but it's an anathema. How can it be Democracy when someone has to always be above someone else, when women, who are a majority, live within a social construct that discriminates against them, keeps them from having their full human rights?

But just because Patriarchy has ruled for 10,000 years since the beginning of agriculture, doesn't make it inevitable.

Maybe at some earlier stage in human evolution, Patriarchy was what was needed just for the species to survive. But today, there's nothing threatening the human species but humans. 


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We've conquered our predators, we've subdued nature almost to extinction, and there are no more frontiers to conquer or to escape into so as to avoid having to deal with the mess we've left behind. Frontiers have always given capitalism, Patriarchy's economic face, a way to avoid dealing with its shortcomings. Well, we're having to face them now in this post-frontier era and inevitably - especially when we have leaders who suffer from toxic masculinity - that leads to war, the conquering of new markets, and the destruction of the earth.

However, it is altogether possible, that we are on the verge of a tectonic shift in paradigms - that what we are seeing happening today are the paroxysms, the final terrible death throes of the old, no longer workable, no longer justifiable system. Look at it this way: it's Patriarchy's third act and we have to make sure it's its last.

It's possible that the extreme, neo-conservative version of Patriarchy which makes up our current Executive branch will over-play its hand and cause the house of cards to collapse. We know that this new "preventive war" doctrine will put us on a permanent war footing. We know there can't be guns and butter, right? We learned that with Vietnam. We know that a Pandora's box has been opened in the Middle East and that the administration is not prepared for the complexities that are emerging. We know that friends are becoming foes and angry young Muslims with no connection to Al Qaeda are becoming terrorists in greater numbers. We know that with the new tax plan the rich will be better off and the rest will be poorer. We know what happens when poor young men and women can only get jobs by joining the military and what happens when they come home and discover that the day after Congress passed the "Support Our Troops" Resolution, $25 billion was cut from the VA budget. We know that already, families of servicemen have to go on welfare and are angry about it.

So, as Eve Ensler says, we have to change the verbs from obliterate, dominate, humiliate, to liberate, appreciate, celebrate. We have to make sure that head and heart can be reunited in the body politic, and relationship and democracy can be restored.

We need to really understand the depth and breadth of what a shift to a new, feminine paradigm would mean, how fundamentally central it is to every single other thing in the world. We win, everything wins, including boys, men, and the earth. We have to really understand this and be able to make it concrete for others so they will be able to see what Feminism really is and see themselves in it.

So our challenge is to commit ourselves to creating the tipping point and the turning point. The time is ripe to launch a unified national movement, a campaign, a tidal wave, built around issues and values, not candidates.

That's why V-Day, The White House Project and their many allies are partnering to hold a national women's convention somewhere in the heartland, next June of 2004. Its purpose will be to inspire and mobilize women and vagina-friendly
men around the
2004 elections
and to build a new movement that will coalesce our
energies and
forces around a
politic of caring.

The convention will put forward a
fresh, clear, and
concise platform
of issues, and build the spirit,
energy and power
base to hold the candidates
accountable for them. There will be a diversity of
women from
across the country who will 
participate in the mobilization. There will be a
special focus on involving young women. There will be a variety of
performers and artists
acknowledging that culture plays a powerful role in
political action.
There will be a concurrent Internet mobilization. Women's 
organizations will be asked to sign on and send
representatives to the convention.

There will be a caravan, a rolling tour across the country, of diverse women leaders, celebrities and activists who will work with local organizers to build momentum, sign people up, register them to vote, get them organized and leave behind a tool kit for further mobilization
through the 
election and

This movement will be a volcano that will erupt in a flow of soft, hot,
breathing, authentic,
relational lava that will encircle
Patriarchy and smother it. We will be the flood and we'll be Noah's arc. "V" for
Vagina, for vote, for victory.

One may visit various sites on the internet, read current articles, books, etc. and be apprised of many different  spins on what is happening in the world and why.  Each person offers their perspective and information.  We blame the battle of the sexes, government, aliens, the planets, nature, etc.  Here is one of my theories:  (I do have others) 

I think that before we can realize peace and harmony and a true love and appreciation of life and our loved ones, before we may realize the return of the female and Matriarchal principle, humanity must pay its dues.  Mother Earth - female, nurturing, life giving and supportive - is in the midst of chastising her children.  She has suffered and tolerated man's selfish disregard for her well-being for many years.  She has been exploited of her resources, unappreciated for her beauty and abundance, and has been subjected to the total disregard of her natural laws.

The paradigm is the same; man simply does not appreciate, respect, and love the female nurturing principle.  Instead he assumes that he can conquer, manipulate, and dictate his personal laws and authority.

Perhaps the real revolution is with Mother Earth as we are suffering her wrath worldwide with violent storms, erratic weather patterns, volcanoes, earthquakes, floods, new incurable viruses, and lastly - perhaps a pole shift - all indicative of a purification and regeneration of a weary Mother Earth.

This surely reflects the micro and the macro of a very dynamic energy about to transform humanity.

While many of us are blaming our government, society, the wealthy, etc. and claim  we are seeking the "truth" - how many of us are willing to accept the responsibility of this truth either on a personal level or a collective level?

And what is the
truth except one
man's opinion at any given time.  The human experience is complex -  and answers are not readily given.  We may just be an experiment in the eyes of a Creator.  And for  what purpose?