Do her children really appreciate her?

Being a mother may well be the most difficult and unrewarding job on the planet.  If your kids love and respect you - you're lucky (and you know it). 

It really depends on the energies emanating between yourself and your little darlings.  (I have written other articles about the child/mother energy dynamics that are symbolized by astrological aspects).  Being a loving and caring mom does not guarantee a well-deserved reward after all the time and effort you gave . . . not to mention any sacrifice you willingly endured to be able to give your precious ones all that you could - and then some.  So what makes it work?  What is the formula that will help you to raise decent, loving, and wonderful children who like You and are not afraid to show it?  

Naturally, you realize that your children are not  clones of yourself or husband . . . they are individuals who have their own lives to live, will pursue their own goals and careers, experience their own pain, and fall in love with - and marry - whomever.   But, even with this realization, you really do expect them to include you in their lives when they have left the nest and created their own niche.

Perhaps the most hurtful scenario a mother will experience is when a child just doesn't get it.  He/she refuses to recognize the significant role mother has played in their destiny.  She is not just another person - she is their mother - the woman who gave birth to them - and in doing so - lovingly gave them the opportunity of life.  She would not have gone through the pregnancy and labor if she did not want this child.  

It has been noted and remarked:  "Mothers will lose their sons once they have married".  The new wife becomes the pseudo "mom" eventually, and often there is jealousy and competition between daughter-in-laws and mother-in-laws.  The bride will endeavor to break the bond between mother and her husband.  This is a fact of life.  And then the moment of truth when a son either refuses to detach from his Mom or - to keep peace within his marriage - agrees to an estrangement with her.  He stupidly removes himself from his childhood memories of his mother's love and nurturing.  He betrays her.  

If he is undecided on how he feels about mother and unable to handle the stress of making a decision either way, his relationship with Mom deteriorates and becomes very erratic. At the slightest nuance or imagined hurt, he will give himself permission to terminate his relationship with his mother for long intervals of time.  He often rationalizes to death why he has taken this unqualified stance.  Usually, it is founded on unresolved childish hurts and anger against Mom.

The grandchildren receive mixed messages and will often be brainwashed and hear derogatory remarks against defenseless Mom who isn't there to defend herself.  They (children) may even be used as tools of revenge and punishment towards her when they are not allowed to visit with her or enjoy her love.  It's kind of sick, but the parents may be jealous of all the attention children receive from their grandmother.  They may fear that their parental control and authority is compromised.  

Another all too frequent scenario is when the parents have split.  Many times, the mother will be left with the responsibility of raising the child/children bearing the financial and emotional brunt of the divorce.  She struggles to keep the family together and becomes "super-mom".    She may be devastated when at some later time, the child/children suddenly switch their affections and loyalty and gravitate to their Father. They secretly blame Mom for the divorce and pity poor Dad.  On some level, they probably believe Mom should have stayed with their Father no matter how unhappy she may have been or how irresponsible he was.

And guess what?  This unappreciated and neglected Mom will repeatedly open up her heart and forgive the unloving child naively assuming that this time - it will be different.  This time, the child has finally matured and come around.  Unfortunately, it is not always so.  It will never resolve unless the child makes some effort to understand what and why he/she is feeling anger and resentment towards Mom.  In this case, counseling should be sought.  It will be very helpful in resolving many issues.

Unfortunately, there isn't a formula that will guarantee loving, respectful children.  One may say it is fate or karma.  However, the mother who is not aware of the karmic or psychological inner dynamics of human behavior, needs to be gently informed that it is not her fault . . . she hasn't done anything wrong to deserve her child's uncaring attitude.  It is not her problem.  It is theirs!  

For those mothers who have suffered the indignity of a child's indifference as to whether you are unhappy, alone, ill, struggling - whether you are alive or dead - you need help and counsel.  You need guidance as to how to accept what cannot be changed - and more importantly - you need to love yourself and live your life.  Let go of the sadness and the need to know why.  Make your own happiness.   Remember - what goes around - comes around.  Someday, these children will experience all the pain and hurt they caused you from their own children because they have failed to give their children an example of positive family values.  It is ludicrous for them to think that their own children will treat them differently.